Overcoming stigma: Ricky's story
At 21 years old, selectability consumer and suicide attempt survivor, Ricky, had received his formal diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
A diagnosis that he now knows he had been living with for quite some time.
After attending a tailored group program, Ricky was able to find his sense of self, in what had been a lifetime of identity struggles.
Now, Ricky is telling his story with the aim of reducing stigma, in the hopes it might encourage others to speak up:
At only nine years of age, Ricky states that he started experiencing thoughts of suicide.
“It was quite young to be living with those ideas and I wasn’t quite sure what was happening at the time,” Ricky said.
Some of the hardest moments of his recovery journey growing up involved shaking of the notion that he’d “rather be dead.”
“Things do just get too intense, and it really feels like my brain wants to kill me – suicidal thoughts linger, they go up and down.
“I would do very well for ages, then something would happen like an unfortunate life event, and things can turn back very quickly, almost without even realising.
“I’ve lost count of how many suicide attempts I’ve had.
Throughout his journey, Ricky explains his apprehensiveness to seek help, due to the stigma that surrounded speaking up.
Factors including isolation and relationship stresses would play a significant role in his life, along with the struggle for identity after going through gender reassignment surgery.
“At times it can feel like a never-ending battle with myself, and if I don’t have the energy to change it, I can feel extremely trapped within a lonely, yet intense but contradictory world inside my head.
“Sometimes I’ll know what I’m doing isn’t logical, but I feel a bit powerless to change in that moment – the emotion is just too strong.”
“It’s hard to get a strong sense of who I am when feelings and emotions get in the way of how I would like to behave. And often I find myself worried to get close to others out of fear.
“I do believe if I had had more a stronger sense of identity and some of the other things were not so prominent in my life, I may have realised this a bit earlier.
It was Ricky’s life changing decision to seek help, when he joined a group program tailored for those living with a formal diagnosis of BPD.
The program would offer a safe space to share his journey with others, and make helpful connections with others going through a similar process.
It was during this program that Ricky had overcome stigma to develop his identity, his values, and the tools necessary to live life in a way he hadn’t been able to previously.
“At times it was quite draining, but it was helpful to put a name to the issues I was having.
“Having people with the same diagnosis as me has really made me feel not so alone, especially knowing that others are going through very similar things.
“I have had long lasting friendships from these groups, and I have seen long lasting changes in their thought processes too.
“I now find myself know self-reflecting and being more aware of how I work internally.
Ricky’s story is one among many that Queenslanders face on a daily basis, but is particularly important when discussing what may prevent others from speaking out and the importance of seeking help.
Now aged 29, Ricky’s diagnosis of BPD has helped him find a supportive group of friends with similar journeys, where he developed a sense of self and overcame stigma.
“It is important to start looking after yourself… and talking to someone you need to helps a lot.”